The Real Me – Part 2
A couple of weeks ago I ‘came out’ about my depression in my blog The Real Me. The response was positive and, as I somewhat expected, some people opened up to tell me I wasn’t the only one.
It isn’t the first time I have opened up about this. At the beginning of 2003 I had to do the same. In university it is hard to hide these things. The people you live with tend to notice the endless crying, low moods and all the other things that characterise a serious episode of depression. But in some ways it is a luxury to be so exposed. You can’t hide away. And you can get help. And no one is going to kick you off your degree course for having a mental health problem. Unlike the world of work where you feel much more vulnerable to discrimination and bullying for simply having a health issue.
Then, like now, being open about this meant that people were more open about their experiences of mental health. Whether it was their mental health, or that of close family or friends, people felt they could open up. But why open up to me? There is nothing special or different about me. My experience with depression is no more or less valid than anyone else. The only difference is that I spoke out about it. Something others can’t do.
Working in a university, and with no ambition to climb the career ladder in my current job, I feel I have the freedom to be able to talk about depression with limited impact on my life. As I alluded to in my last blog on the subject, it is something I would have never done in my previous career. It was not an unfounded fear as I was recommended and asked to discriminate against others for various reasons. Obviously not explicitly, but the decisions I was asked to make (which I fought against, and refused to do) were based on an assumption that people with certain health issues were a liability and couldn’t be trusted to perform certain roles.
Reading an article on a mother’s experience of Aspergers and the case of Gary McKinnon makes me scared of the society we live in and the decisions being made. The lack of understanding by people in a position of power to make decisions about those of us that suffer from any kind of disability scares me. It is something I often try to put to the back of my mind as I don’t like the feeling of anxiety that grows because of it. The power of people who don’t understand has led me to never be fully open about how bad I have suffered from depression at times, because of a fear of being detained under the Mental Health Act. Ultimately I find myself balancing between fighting for the support I need (and by paying my taxes, I feel entitled to) and not saying too much in case someone decides that they know what is best for me.
This week I discovered the campaign Time To Change (also on Twitter and Facebook). Talking about mental health and changing the way it is viewed is essential. Based on my past family history if I have children it is highly likely they will suffer from some form of mental health issue at some point and I don’t want them to face the same challenges as I do now.
So many people have health issues and disabilities but continue to live a ‘normal’ life. My mental health means that some days are incredibly hard and leave me exhausted, but I will never let it stop me from living my life. There is no reason I can’t have success in my career and relationships because of my mental health, as long as I find my own ways of dealing with it. It is not up to anyone else to tell me what I am and am not capable of.
I sincerely hope Time To Change makes a difference and will be doing whatever I can to support the campaign. And whether you have Mental Health issues or not I hope you will support it to by signing up now.
I think the only thing to say with regards to this is….this is my cousin who I love very much, have always looked up to and who I am very proud to be related to….great to see you sharing Helen!!!
Dear Miss Thornber,
I admire your courage to speak out about both your personal experiences; and of perceived positive and negative social issues surrounding your mental health condition.
The key thing to remember here is; mental health conditions are only a problem if you allow them to be. You are perfect the way you are.
John Taylor.
It’s people like you who sustain my passion for battling the stigma of mental illness.
Bless you, you are amazing!
I have been suffering from mental health problems for some time now and am always amazed at the way in which this seems to be treated as a real taboo, I am also blogging about my illness, most of my blogging has been done from within the pits of depression so doesn’t make pretty reading BUT we can and must speak out and let others know it is alright to admit we have mental health problems.
I am priviledged to have some really supporting and loving friends and family around me but others are not so fortunate and feel far more isolated and cut off, for these people we need to keep speaking out!
Keep writing coz I love what you have written I too am a real fan of Time to Change
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