The decimal system has a lot to answer for. If we were based on a Octal system then I’m sure I wouldn’t have spent the past two days being quite as fed up. The first eight years of this decade were pretty great. There were lots of ups and downs, but the main thing was that I moved forward. Most significantly in terms of my mental health. Also with education and career. But the last two years of the decade haven’t been quite so fantastic thanks to one big bully. I’m still trying to regain the confidence I had before. Despite trying so many things in 2009 I don’t feel like I’ve come very far with that. My progress following bouts of depression has been far quicker and more successful than trying to deal with the aftermath of being bullied at work.

On the other hand I have a lot to be grateful for. I did get another job. I still have a roof over my head. I didn’t lose everything because of it. But I am finally angry at the chances I didn’t get. The opportunity to realise what was happening and defend myself. The opportunity to make a complaint and get justice. The opportunity to make my own decision about when I left Royal Mail. By the time I understood I was being bullied it was too late. Perhaps my biggest problem in moving on is that I haven’t got angry. Maybe getting angry and feeling low is a way of letting go of some of the negative emotion that has been bottled up this past year.

Anyway Friday 1st January 2010 is a new day of a new year of a new decade (there goes that decimal system again!) I decided to do a positive thing involving post it notes and pretty coloured pens. And looking forward.

It’s something I first did on a Graduate Works programme with the fabulous Will & Rupert. The general premise is that you get post it notes and pens and write down all the things you’d like to achieve or do in life. However crazy or unrealistic they seem. Or however dull and mundane. But all the things you want to do. You then narrow them down to the things to REALLY want to do and stick them on a big piece of paper in any way you want. I go for the vaguely chronological approach & have arrows and doodles… but when I did it with the Royal Mail Grads there were plenty of different interpretations.

The next steps are to draw up a three year plan. And then a more detailed one year plan with achievable goals (you know… the SMART ones!) Of course I haven’t quite done it like that this time. I’ve skipped the three year bit because to be honest I’m not quite sure where along my time line I will be by then. I decided a while ago to ditch the new years resolutions. Nothing new and crazy here. Just building on each years successes and move on to the next step in achieving my ambitions.

In 2009 the things I contributed to meeting my goals were:
* Started teaching my niece Spanish
* Did lots of internet dating
* Blogged regularly (and hoped people read it!)

Thanks to my NaNoWriMo attempt I also realised that I really wanted to go into Journalism. I might pursue fiction in later years, but it isn’t my priority right now.

So in 2010 I will…
* Continue to teach my niece(s) Spanish
* Complete the Michel Thomas Spanish CDs (I’ve made it up to CD5 in the past!)
* Continue to blog
* Submit pieces to paper/magazines both in print and online
* Get my writing published (and hopefully get paid, but that is really a 2011 goal!)
* Keep an eye out for the knight in shining armour
* Go on the dates I postponed due to illness at the end of 2009…
* …but give internet dating a break for a while. It’s quite tiring!

2010 has to be better than 2009. Friends and family are so important to making it that way. During the past year I’ve been a bit of a hermit at times. I hope that my many cancelled trips to London and other places haven’t left everyone thinking I’ve fallen off the face of the earth. Over Christmas I realised how wonderful it is to be around people who know you well and who can share your dreams with you. And in 2010 I’ll make so much more effort to see the people who bring a smile to my face and pick me up when I’m down.

That’s enough soppiness for one day. Or even a whole year. How did I get from number systems to sentimentality?!!!