Although I’m over the flu itself this week is not turning out to be as thrilling as I thought it would. Last Sunday I finally felt human again and cleaned my flat with more enthusiasm than I have in a long time (whilst taking frequent breaks for a cup of tea of course!!!). Having the energy to do anything was a buzz. Unfortunately I think this was a little premature. On Monday I returned to work and by about 2pm I was exhausted again. As the weeks gone on it’s got worse. By Thursday it was 9.30am and on Friday I barely did anything useful at work. Yesterday there was a mammoth effort to get to see both my nieces in their Christmas Panto (no thanks to Go North East and three different timetables for one bus from one bus stop!) and this morning I’m really feeling the effects of that.

But when I say mammoth effort it’s something that I could have done with ease a few weeks ago. After work on Friday I went to the pub for a friends birthday drinks but after an hour or so the fatigue hit me and I had to go home. It is getting very frustrating.

It’s difficult to explain too. When I say tiredness and muscle aches it’s not the same as how I felt with flu. It’s most certainly not depression as if I had some more energy I would be up and out doing stuff. Whilst my body may be tired (and right now the aches are almost painful) and I’m lacking concentration, I really do want to spend my Sunday out shopping or at the cinema. If I’d had the energy on Friday night I would have been dancing the night away with the rest of them, I’m craving a night out so much! It’s not like I feel unfit either. Although I can’t exercise at the moment when I walk about Durham I don’t feel like I’m struggling because I don’t have the fitness. If I’m fully rested the tiredness only hits me once I get into work. It’s like someone’s run off with my energy and concentration, but left me with the will to want to do everything I can’t do right now.

It’s taking me days to write a blog post. There’s so much stuff I want to do with my writing right now and I just can’t. My concentration lapses so quickly that the sentence I was just about to write has gone clean out of my head. It’s there one second and then gone. Completely gone.

But I don’t want to give in and go off sick again because despite all of this I really don’t want to spend another week home alone. I may be struggling through the day at work but at least I’m with other people, and to be honest the way I’m feeling now I don’t think being at home would make the blindest bit of difference. For once I am really taking it easy at work. I’m just doing what is urgent and important. Everything else is waiting until January. I’m taking regular breaks from anything that requires significant amounts of concentration, not that I have much choice as my mind will just go blank after a while anyway. But after a day of work I’m shattered.

So it’s back to the Doctors again this week. I finally got over the flu towards the end of last week, but I’m actually not feeling the slightest bit better day on day with whatever is going on now. I’ve kept saying that it’s just taking time to recover from the flu, but there is also the chance that the flu hit me so badly because there is something else underlying and that’s what’s coming out now. Whatever it is I’ve decided that the only present I want this Christmas is my energy back… I just hope Santa can do that for me!