You may have noticed some of my strange behaviour in the past couple of week. Mysterious requests for information from friends. Weirdly ecstatic status updates. Unusual quietness from my blog. A big smile on my face for no reason whatsoever. Such creepiness should probably be saved for Halloween so I guess I owe everyone an explanation.

The first I’ll start with is, as promised, to explain my Facebook status earlier this week. For those of you who missed it, I posted:

Describe me positively in three words (it’s for a very good cause I promise… If I get at least 20 responses I’ll tell all on my blog!!!)

In total, between comments and texts I got 23 responses that ended up looking something like this…

I wasn’t just fishing for compliments (honestly!), there was actually a real reason for it. Tuesday was my final Cognitive Behavioural Therapy session. This exercise helped me see that perhaps my self-perception isn’t quite spot on. I spend a bit too much time and energy beating myself up about not being what I expect. I anticipated the words such as positive, bubbly, optimistic, creative, but some of the others surprised me. Some people responded with words that describe how I’d like to come across, attributes I constantly worry gets hidden below the more fluffy qualities. Determined, thoughtful, dedicated, organised, supportive, focused, reliable, intelligent – all words that reflect that although I like to have fun my friends see that I can be serious and I have substance. This activity was a springboard from looking at depression to generally improving my self-esteem, something I will continue to work on now my CBT has finished.

CBT might not work for everyone, but for me it has been life changing. I’m a great believe you get as much out as you put in. I started of skeptical and unsure if it was right for me, but despite that I made an effort to engage. In the early weeks I felt like I was wasting valuable NHS time and resources, but I’m so glad I stuck it out. I understand my depression more than ever before and, as long as I don’t get complacent, I’m fairly confident I can avoid a future major bout of depression. Of course I can’t know for certain, things come out of the blue and there are so many things that could trigger an episode, but I will make sure I have my strategies for coping at hand.

It’s also had a rather marvellous side effect that should explain the mystery of my other behaviour. Going through the process has given me the confidence and self-belief to take the plunge and start to set up my own business. It’s very very early days, but the idea is something that seems to have evolved and been influenced by so much that’s happened in the few years since I’ve graduated. I’m very excited and have a couple of brilliant friends on board for advice and support, I’m currently doing a bit of market research just to check out that this really is the brilliant opportunity it seems. I’m also lucky enough to have a fantastic boss who’s really encouraging and be in a position where I can continue to work full-time until I am almost certain I have a profitable business. If all goes to plan I’ll be able to let you know a little bit more in a few weeks and could be launching within the next three months!

As for the leg injury. I’m making a gradual recovery. Walking seems to be okay and the physio exercises are helping. I’m going to start building up my exercise next week with swimming, and I hope that in about four or five weeks I might be able to continue training for the marathon. I am going to make sure I am 100% before doing that though, don’t want any more injuries.

It’s exciting to think that in just nine months I could be running both a marathon and my own business! Even if it doesn’t quite work out as planned I have a feeling that the next few months are going to be exciting and educational, there will be lots of hard work too. I have to make the most of the buzz I’m on because I know there will be days that are tough and days that I doubt myself. At the moment I could happily work on my business from the moment I wake up until the moment I get to sleep (and dream about it too!) Whatever happens this could just be the most awesome year of my life!