Confidence
It’s me who is my enemy
Me who beats me up
Me who makes the monsters
Me who strips my confidence.
~ Paula Cole, “Me,” This Fire
My blog yesterday was worthwhile. Getting everything out of my head onto (virtual) paper helped me to see what is holding me back and causing this feeling of “meh” as I like to call it.
When everything came crashing down last October I realised my confidence had evaporated. But because of my determination to turn things around and get on with things I had to find a way of appearing confident again in a very short space of time. The problem is I’ve continued to appear confident, without really feeling that confident again since.
So it really is a case of being nice to myself and picking myself up. I need to spend more time giving myself a pat on the back when I achieve something. I need to not look in the mirror and tell myself about the bad things, instead focus on what is positive.
Before my holiday I had decided that at the end of it I should have a night out where I could get dressed up, look fabulous and have fun. Last night I did just that. Admittedly I started off by feeling that perhaps I should have called it off as I wasn’t as full of energy and hadn’t come as far as I had planned when I wrote ‘The Holiday’.
But I went ahead. I had a nice long shower and pampering session. I did my hair and makeup, which was so much fun. Then put on a new dress and shoes. I felt fabulous. I looked in the mirror and said to myself “You look gorgeous!” and for the first time in a long time I really felt good about myself.
The rest of the night was lovely too. There was something to celebrate, and that was getting to a point where I am starting to find my confidence again. Although I have a way to go, these two weeks have given me the jump-start I needed to work from. And so I come to the end of my holiday, back to work tomorrow. I have blogged every day… and achieved much beside!
I also found a cocktail called “Afternoon in the Woods” that has Earl Grey tea in it. Cups of tea at cocktail hour, now that is worth celebrating!
“When you have confidence, you can have a lot of fun. And when you have fun, you can do amazing things.” ~ Anon
Helen I read your last blog and I think it’s great that someone can empty their thoughts down on to anything and feel comfortable with it. By exposing our greatest fears we offer a slither of hope and insight to others. I’ve definitely had my own problems and confidence is something that will always need topping up. I find that people that gain confidence are more justified and grounded; people who have an excess are normally lacking in other areas. We are humble people and they make for good people to have around. I also can relate to your moment with the mirror. Sometimes I can go for days without really actually looking at myself and then every so often I’ll look at myself and smile. Because I mean it. To realise that your are beautiful takes a lot and again it’s self realisation that really makes it special and earnest.
Go Lady!
And as for this cocktail, I really must get me some of that!
Kx.
Thanks for a lovely reply!!! If you are ever in Durham let me know and I’ll take you for a cup of tea cocktail!!!
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