I spoke far too soon. Apparently the speed at which someone can go from being so into you they make impressive changes to win you back and then deciding actually they don’t want to be with you after all is close to lightening. On this occasion I can’t have everything. My pattern with men seems to be repeating itself, though the half life is reassuringly dropping… a few years ago it was eight months, last year it was four, now I’m down to two. Soon I’ll be processing men as fast as Amazon do an overnight order. Joking aside, however many times it happens it doesn’t make it any less horrible when you put your trust in someone and it ends up not working out.

I refuse to believe I’m destined for a life alone, but to avoid that fate I need to work out what is going on that causes the groundhog day effect within weeks of starting to date someone new. I’ve tried all sorted of approaches, from taking things slow to probably moving a little too fast at times. But however things start out they always end the same. The one thing all these guys seem to have in common is that dating me seems to prompt them to “find themselves” and that’s where all the trouble stems from. Having spent the past decade sorting myself out I’m not looking for another project. From a career perspective it’s great that I can motivate people to reach their potential, however when I start dating someone I really don’t want to be triggering a major life reevaluation.

It seems that internet dating isn’t the mecca I thought it might once be. And though I was pretty livid last night, ultimately the problem when things don’t work out are two people in different places not communicating. Perhaps I do need to be more specific and focused about what I want, or try dating people I would normally rule out. I am tempted to just give up on the dating thing and go back to the comfortable familiarity of being single, after all I could come up with 101 reasons why I’m too busy for a relationship right now. But I’m already in my late-twenties, and I imagine I could spend the next thirty years using that excuse, by which point the chance of having kids would have well passed me by. Life isn’t going to get quieter any time soon.

So for now I’m going to try and figure out what I want and see who I meet. Take chances, date differently and hope that in the near future I meet someone who makes my heart beat faster, sets off the butterflies in my stomach and sticks around for more than just a few weeks. How hard can it be?