Well yes. I suppose I should be looking on the bright side. And most of the time I can. But it is amazing how isolating being stuck home alone with an injury is. When you have the flu/migraine/stomach bug (delete as applicable) your brain all but shuts down. You’re capable of sleep and watching TV and not much else. Your needs are pretty much water, soup and paracetamol. You still get fed up, but it seems much easier to accept that you can’t do a thing, and your brain doesn’t fully function or really care what is going on as long as you are as comfortable as possible.

But this is possibly the first time in my life I’ve realised how much I take everyday things for granted. My brain is still in full working order, so when my sister kindly offers to go shopping instead of a simple list, she gets instructions like “child size fromage frais, whatever is on offer, but not Nestle!” I decided that annotating it with the questions I would ask myself is perhaps going a step too far (and could result in my sister abandoning me).Going through my shopping list I realise just how many thoughts my brain goes through on the average trip to Sainsburys.  I don’t just pick stuff up, it seems everything from the sell by dates of houmous to the price vs quality of tomatoes makes my supermarket shops more complex than the average persons. Decisions take into account price, brand, quality, shelf life, ethical issues and in a different order or ranking of importance for different products. It’s probably why, despite not having a car and struggling on the bus, I have never fully embraced online supermarket shopping.

I have realised my control freakery runs deep. There are plenty of things in life I can let go of. Day to day I can seem positively normal, I don’t tend to get too precious about things at work, I don’t have any silly rules in my home and the way other people live their lives is up to them. On the surface I have relinquished the need for control of everything because trying to be in control when other people are involved is no fun. It’s much better to be relaxed there and save the control freak for things I don’t have to involve other people in like buying food, getting from A to B, and posting letters. Except suddenly I find myself trapped at home unable to control the details of my life that hold my secrets of weird, demanding and high maintenance behaviour. I love being independent, because in that independence I can be me, with all my crazy ways of doing things, without having to impact or rely on anyone else. It’s like having my secret superhero power taken away from me. And that makes me cry. And moan.

Saying that I am getting lots of writing time in. And now that life is back on track, I am working on pieces to pitch in the coming months. I am appreciating that for a brief few days if I suddenly get an idea I can just stop everything and start writing. I don’t have to scribble something on a post it and hope that evening I’ll have time to get back to it.

As as I’m getting back to thinking about getting my writing published I did think it was a good time to have a look back at my goals from January 1st 2010. The first five months of the year I’ve not really accomplished huge amounts on the list (though the dating bit seems on track!) but I have done so much more besides, that should mean I can get on with so much more in the next seven months.

Hopefully I’ll be back on my feet in no time at all so I can get on with having lots of energy, doing lots of stuff and stop having to explain the way my mind works when it comes to the weekly shop!

“I nominate Helen because I’ve never seen such an eclectic bunch of posts on one blog. You name it she’s got it; politics, writing, photography, lifestyle, gripes and much much more. She’s a Lovely girl with a cracking smile. Go seek her out!”

A big thank you to Katie for the nomination. Now I have to follow a list of things to do (at the bottom of this post if you’re nosey) and share seven things people might find interesting. With my current snow brain the best theme I can think of is weather related facts.

1. The most torrential downpour I have ever found myself stuck in was arriving in Edinburgh back in January 2006. It was raining so hard that the steep steps from the station up to Cockburn St had become a stream. To make matters worse the quick 10 minute walk to our hostel on Cowgate took quite a bit longer as my map reading skills failed me.

Once the rain had been and gone...

2. In my teens my cousin Aimee and I went caravanning in Europe with my parents. We were staying in a valley by the Dordogne river in France. One night my parents had gone to bed and Aimee and I were sat out in the awning looking at the lightening over the mountains around us. Aimee remarked “Can you hear the thunder? I think the storms getting closer.” I listened and concluded “That’s not the storm, it’s my dad snoring!”

3. On a HCPT trip to Lourdes we went for a day trip to Gavarnie, a mountain village in the Pyranees. There had been heavy snowfall the day before and it continued to snow on our journey up in the coach. Until now I had never seen so much snow in one place. I had also never felt so close to reliving the final scene from The Italian Job!

4. As a child we did the Eurocamp holidays. One year we stayed at Lake Garda in Italy and the campsite had a brilliant swimming pool with a mushroom water feature. I loved swimming and my parents couldn’t get me to leave the pool despite the high temperatures. That night my cousin and her husband came to cook us dinner. Between the main course and watermelon I threw up. I continued to throw up the whole of the next day. Since then I have tried to avoid getting sun stroke at all costs!

5. At 15 I learned that theme parks and cold weather do not go together. We went on a school trip to Disneyland Paris in mid-February. I have never been so cold in all my life as queuing an hour for Big Thunder Mountain! It wasn’t worth it.

6. A group of us stayed in a villa in the hills overlooking Alcudia, Mallorca back in 2006. One night there was the most amazing storm and with views over two bays it was spectacular to watch it out at sea. It was the most amazing storm I have ever seen.

I believe this was Dan Wood's photo of the lightening that night... thank you Dan!

7. When I made my decision to do Animation I gave up my idea of studying Geography further. I am fascinated by weather and physical geography in general. Part of my frustration with the snow is that I wish I understood weather more! I still hope to study Geography and Meteorology in future (when I find a few thousand pounds hanging around that I have no other use for), and still secretly harbour dreams of being a weather girl whilst chasing tornadoes, climbing volcanoes and studying earthquakes in my spare time!!!

And now for my nominations. But just before I’d like you to check out Katie McCullough’s blog… it is interesting, witty and I’m in awe of the things she achieves. Like the 48hr Film Challenge. She’s a woman who’s spending her life pursuing her passion of scriptwriting and is kind enough to share the ups and downs with us via her blog.

1. Rachael Blogs… her opinion on anything and everything. Always interesting, often amusing. She points me in the direction of things I might like, and steers me away from those I should avoid. And I love her new 365 project on posterous too!

2. Mister Phill – An amazing photographer who accidentally ended up being a wedding photographer too. Below is comment I left on his website back in October
“In the age of Facebook it is all to easy to compare wedding photographs and from friends hear about their experiences. Most wedding photography ranges from bland to ordinary and the photographers themselves rarely get a glowing report. I get bored of looking through wedding photographs, even as a wedding guest. To find someone who can capture a wedding in a way that pleases the couple, can be appreciated by the guests and enjoyed by the rest of us (that don’t have a clue who any of these people are) is truly amazing. If someone had told me I’d have spent this year looking forward to seeing the wedding photos of complete strangers I would have thought they were crazy. But it reflects the pure talent that you have for capturing emotion and atmosphere that makes you better than most of the rest. I’m glad you accidentally ended up as a wedding photographer and I can’t wait to see what 2010 brings!!!”

3. Why Miss Jones – A fairly new discovery in the realm of blogs I follow. It was her fantastic reviews of Strictly that led me to her blog and her witty writing on her life and all else that keeps me coming back.

4. Jo’s Kitchen – When I’m stuck for a recipe I know where to head. Jo’s friendly take on sharing recipes and restaurant reviews is a pleasure to read and makes me want grab my kitchen utensils and get cooking immediately!

5. James Inman – Every year James compiles a list of his 101 things to achieve. In 2009 he hit 76/101 a huge leap from 54/101 the year before. I’m looking forward to following his progress this year!

6. Whitespider1066 – Darren’s outdoor blog is full of fantastic photography taken on his walks with his iPhone. Plus if you happen to be a fan of the outdoors he has plenty to share on how he does it.

7. Secret Diaries of a Wannabe Yummy Mammy – I think it’s fantastic that Yummy Mammy used her blog to share and raise awareness of the issues around child custody when you and your ex are different nationalities. Having finally returned to the UK she’s onto the next phase of her life and the new challenges that brings!

So now I’m off to let the lucky nominees know that I think they’re wonderful and kreativ! Hope you enjoy their blogs as much as you enjoy mine. And thanks again to Katie… don’t forget to pay her a visit too!

And here’s the list…
* 1. Thank the person who nominated you for this award.
* 2. Copy the logo and place it on your blog.
* 3. Link to the person who nominated you for this award.
* 4. Name 7 things about yourself that people might find interesting.
* 5. Nominate 7 Kreativ Bloggers.
* 6. Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate.
* 7. Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know they have been nominated.

Starting at the end of January 2010 I will be doing a monthly feature and I’d like to hear from you. If you (or anyone you know) would like to share your story the details and deadlines are below.

If you have a story to share send your contact details (name/email/number) and a brief outline of your story to hello@helenthornber.com

Bullying at Work
According to a TUC sponsered survey* in 2008 bulling in the workplace is on the rise. Although the bullying itself can be traumatic enough, the effects can last for years afterwards. From personal experience I know how difficult it can be to recover and rebuild your life, yet the information out there with advice on how to do this is minimal and hard to find. I’d like to share the stories of how others have survived workplace bullying and raise awareness of the issue.
•     Have you experienced bullying at work at all in the past five years?
•     Did you report it?
•     Did you leave your job?
•     What steps have you taken to recover and move on with your life?
Get in touch by Friday 8th January 2010

Climate Change & the Recession
The combination of climate change and the recession we’ve been made aware of how wasteful our society can be. We’re encouraged to save energy, make more informed choices about the products we use and raise awareness ourselves. I would like to share your stories of the interesting ways of making the most of the resources you have.
•     Have you made significant/extreme changes in one or all areas of your lives?
•     Have you had success in business, life or even love because of changes you’ve made?
•     Have you experienced a crazy coincidence or life-changing event because of changes you’ve made?
•     Have you had a big reaction to the changes you’ve made?
•     Are the changes you’ve made because of climate change, the recession, or both?
Get in touch by Friday 5th February 2010

Married too young?
A significant proportion of people who marry in their early 20s are getting divorced before they hit 30. There doesn’t seem to be a week goes by without a report of another young celebrity splitting with their fiancé or divorcing their other half. I’d like to speak to couples who’ve married young and stayed together. I’m also interested in hearing from those who’ve separated or divorced.
•     Are you between the ages of 26-30 and did you marry before 25?
•     Why did you marry so young?
•     Did anyone have a problem with you marrying at the age you did?
•     If divorced, how soon after marrying did you know it wasn’t going to work? Do you think age has anything to do with it?
Get in touch by Friday 5th March 2010

Please Note: All contributions will be treated in strictest confidence and where necessary can be anonymous in the features I write. They will be used as portfolio pieces to submit to magazines and newspapers as well as being available on helenthornber.com

* Data taken from surveys conducted by UMIST and sponsered by the TUC and CBI in 2000 and 2008 http://www.emplaw.co.uk/content/index?startpage=data/12mar00.htm

But the reality of cracking on with NaNoWriMo would mean writing 30,000 words over the next seven days. In full fitness it’s a task that would daunt me. Whilst still getting back to full health it scares me silly. Just thinking about the possibility causes me enough stress to have me ill again in a couple of days. It’s not worth it.

I hope I haven’t disappointed anyone who’s kept up with my efforts this past few weeks. I really appreciate the support from friends and fellow Wrimos. I have learned lots and as my sister said to me earlier this evening “Twenty thousand words is a huge achievement, if you hadn’t aimed for fifty thousand words you would have never written that!”

I’m still glad I tried doing NaNoWriMo. It confirmed to me that the focus of taking my writing to a professional level should be journalism to start with, rather than fiction. I get more joy from the process of writing my blog. My priority in 2010 is to turn my blog into the start of a writing career.

I will definitely take part in NaNoWriMo again and I will complete it. I don’t know whether it will be next year or in five years time. That is a decision I will have to make year-by-year depending on my other writing commitments. But there is some advice I will offer my future self before embarking on the crazy novel writing month of November:

• Take a week off work early in the month and get well ahead of the word count
• Get ahead with November deadlines at work and finish stuff by Halloween. Or put it off until December
• Get ahead of the word count before heading off on a three day conference
• Avoid anything that takes up an entire evening during the week
• Don’t get ill (I know I can’t really plan for that one!)

Now it’s Saturday and about 15000 words behind target. I tried writing yesterday and managed just over 100 words. It’s not looking good right now. NaNoWriMo does not allow for illness, especially not an entire week of brain failure. As I write this blog my brain is struggling less than 200 words in.

I haven’t given up yet. Purely because I refuse to give up whilst I’m still ill. Realistically I can’t see myself being able to write 3500 words a day for the rest of the week. And that’s based on me being in a fit state to write from tomorrow, which I’m not sure I will be. But there is still the part of me that is determined to succeed. Just last weekend I could visualize the finish line and see myself getting the 50,000 words I needed to win. Now that seems like it is a million miles away.

But then there are the times you get stuck. I get on a roll and see my word count soaring in a couple of hours, then I hit a turning point. I’m suddenly at a cliff edge and can see the other side, but there’s no way across. And this is where Twitter keeps me going. Within minutes of tweeting that I’m stuck I had people suggesting solutions and pushing me on. @rebeccablain tweeted “Even corrupt leaders make stupid decisions” and that set me off again. I’d be so caught up in my lead characters moving through the story I’d forgotten that the other characters were there to help the story along. Their stories and actions could be independent of the main characters, yet inadvertently create the situation that would get them across the void and onto the next bit of the story.

I’m up to 19000 words and just over half way through the month, but I’m determined to hit the 50k mark in the next two weeks. A few more days of 3000 words and I’ll make up the shortfall and before I know it (well probably the last couple of days of the month!!!) be sprinting to the finish line.

On Monday evening I made a dent into the word count shortfall after being away at the end of last week, but as this week has gone on that is a small mercy as the daily target moves further and further away from where I am (13,404 words for those of you that are interested).

My plans to make up some of my word count during my lunch hour have been fruitless. My lunch hour has ceased to exist. I’ve been so excited and busy with work that midday becomes 1pm, then 1.30 and the other day even 1.50pm before I have nipped to the staff room to have something to eat. There just isn’t time to bash out a sentence let alone a couple of hundred words.

Tuesday I popped out for a swim before my tutor session. That was good. However the tutor session was not. Only one tutee turned up and after nattering for 15 minutes I called it a night, but having walked up, down and around Durham as well as swimming 1km I got home when it was late and dark, to a cold flat. There was only one thing I could do. Sleep. Wednesday was a colleagues retirement party, after 47 years in the job he got the fantastic celebration he deserved. Of course completely underestimating how much I had going on I’d also volunteered for Cake Friday this week, so my Thursday evening was spent cake baking once I’d returned from Body Balance. The Rotweinkuchen went down very well though!

Tonight I was due to be on a date but by this morning my head was starting to ache and there was no chance of making coherent conversation with anyone by this evening. I don’t think a headache combined with random babbling is the way to attract a potential future boyfriend. I’ll hold off on the dating until I’ve caught up on some sleep! It’s not surprising I’m so tired. I wrote a list of all the things I’ve done at work this week and it seems that I have managed to warp time as I’m not quite sure how I have actually fit it all in.

This evening I’m recharging the batteries. Catching up on TV I’ve recorded on my overflowing PVR, accompanied by a couple of strawberry beers. Tomorrow I’ll be around 10,000 words behind in NaNoWriMo but I can make a start on catching up. As long as I get a decent nights sleep it’s realistic to do in a couple of days (NaNo is about quantity, the quality comes later!) I am still determined that I will complete the NaNo challenge this month and am aiming to hit the 50,000 word mark on Sunday 29th. I am a deadlines person, always have been, and I always pull it off. I’m just hoping that next week gives me time to write during the weekend, as I don’t fancy writing 12000 words every weekend this month!

The conference was great but it’s put me a day behind on NaNoWriMo even with my writing on both journeys to and from the conference. However we’re only on the 8^th and I still have three weekends ahead to lock myself in darkened rooms and get that word count out. If I really go for it I can get 1500 words out in an hour so in theory I can do my remaining 39400 words in under 27 hours. I will get back on track!

The ‘up’ of work creativity and ‘down’ of NaNo word count isn’t the only thing that the conference is responsible for. It also got me swimming again. As I mentioned in a previous blog my brain finally seems to be altering some of it’s thinking. If I’m feeling crap it’s off making it’s little connections to tell me to move my backside and do some exercise. A big difference from all its years of telling me the answer was at the end of a chocolate bar. In my newly found motivated state I decided to make the most of the hotel having a swimming pool and rediscovered my inner water-baby. I love swimming. Not only because it’s the one form of exercise where I can lap most of my mates, instead of panting hopelessly as they sprint off towards the horizon. But once I’ve set a target of the number of lengths I will swim them no matter what. It’s calming and relaxing and yet I push myself harder than I will on dry land (unless you count spinning!)

So as a result of these few days I’ve made a promise to myself to go swimming once a week. It’s exercise AND I enjoy it. Why did I ever stop?

I have no doubt I can hit the 50,000 word mark. After this weekend I have three weekends where if all else failed I could just write and do nothing else. I thrive on deadlines, and I will do it. I would like this process to be a positive experience, so I need to keep up with my weekly word count goals to stop it becoming an unmanageable burden. I really enjoy the writing. So far the quality is pretty dire but I’m quickly accepting it as a first draft. The words might need some intensive editing, but the story and characters are coming to life.

On top of this other areas of my life have been challenging me too. Back in August if you remember I finally cracked the regular exercise thing. I started making progress on losing the weight I gained from medication and was feeling pretty fabulous in the end. Then September struck and work got crazy (I think I might have blogged about that just a few times!) The exercise went out and comfort eating came back in.

My brain can be a clever thing and the past couple of weeks it has spurred me on to exercise whenever I feel rubbish and is slowly retreating from comfort eating. But I feel like my health, fitness and weight has all gone back to square one and I’m now at the bottom of the hill I’d started to climb. My brain at least now wants to exercise and so it’s getting brownie points and lots of love for being motivated. However I do wish there was a quick and easy way to go back to the size I was back in summer 2008.

I also don’t believe in diets, which sounds crazy for the woman who wants to lose weight, but they don’t work for me. However in the past Paul McKenna has. Based on the theory of learning to listen to your body about when it’s hungry and what it wants to eat I Can Make You Thin really does work if you can be disciplined enough to listen to the CD every day. I know if I kept it up for long enough I really could break the cycle with comfort eating and motivate myself to exercise even more.

So like I said November will be challenging. Writing, exercise and meditation are all positive things that really make me feel tons better. The problem is the motivation and discipline to do them. As per usual though I refuse to give up and the eternal optimism will drive me on. I will get there in the end!

This Halloween will be considerably quieter and more sober, but hopefully just as significant. At midnight it will be November, and I will be writing the first few words of my NaNoWriMo novel. 50,000 words in one month.

I spent last Sunday evening listening to David Nicholls and Nick Hornby talk about their latest novels as part of the Durham Book Festival. They shared that they write about 500 words a day. I’ll be aiming for 2000. The reality of this is starting to finally sink in. Juliet Naked is 85,000 words, by the end of November I’m aiming to have written around two thirds of that. I shared this with David and Nick as they signed my books afterwards and they both looked quite horrified. Two published authors caught in the headlights of imagining getting that many words down in such a short space of time. It should have been enough to make me run away screaming from this crazy month ahead of me.

With less than 36 hours before it kicks off my mental state switches between complete fear and total excitement. I sometimes also just stop thinking about it or make myself believe that 50,000 words is easy to do. In reality I haven’t got a clue what this month will bring or how I’ll juggle work, conferences, tutoring, social life and an average of 1667 words a day. But the one thing I know is that deadlines work for me and if it means most of my weekends in November will be spent making up for the words not typed during the week it’s more likely than not I will do it. It is a huge challenge, but one I’m confident I can succeed in. (In a weeks time I’ll probably want to delete that last sentence!!!)

Back in August I set myself a challenge of writing a blog a day over 18 days. In that time I wrote 19 blogs, averaging 512 words per blog. A total of 9722 words in just over two weeks. At the start it was daunting and seemed quite difficult, two weeks later I was finding it much easier to write. Although I wasn’t considering NaNoWriMo at that point it was a nice warm up. And although it may have been only a tenth of what I have to write in the month, at least with NaNo there’s no worry about editing or uploading (which can take up a good bit of time when you have a few links and pictures).

I have finally decided which of my stories I am going for, though it has changed a bit since I started in February. Tomorrow I’ll be gathering all my research together, handy for reference if needed as I go along. I think I have an idea of the first chapter, again not what I had originally written. I am starting from scratch though some of the work I’ve already done may find it’s way in to the book once I start the editing process… but that’s December and onwards. I have some intensive writing to do first!

The only other concern in November is what will happen with this blog? I’d like to think that I’ll keep up at least a couple of posts a week, venting my frustrations and general feelings about the NaNoWriMo challenge. Or just a way of getting out of my system anything that is diverting attention away from getting my writing done. I hope you’ll bear with me through the ups, downs and possible silences that November will bring. And I promise whatever happens I’ll be back to full blogging duty in December with plenty of festive cheer.